‘tis the Season ……

Christmas morning 2022, and the weather outside is truly frightful.

Hello from the East Coast of the USA, no longer -30F and dropping! And thankfully the last dwindling few days of Christmas music! I had thought after leaving Cheyenne Wyoming, I’d not see another negative double digit temperature drop again. Let alone in Pittsburgh Pennsylvania. So far today it’s a balmy 9F degrees.

Summer I tell ya.

What a year and a week to go. Health scares, Podcast setbacks, Rebranding, Meeting King Diamond for a Picture after 38 years of trying. So many to list, not enough need to vent to put them all here. And no not venting at all, but in my usual end of the year “Holiday” mood.

So was talking to the wife last night, and thought back over the years - most Holidays I spent alone for one reason or another. As an adult anyways. Childhood times are nothing but good memories. Family together when we were in the States, at my parents. Grandmother playing piano, my strangled cat clarinet attempting to keep up. Food everywhere and my Father’s favorite disgusting Novia Scotian Delight (As it was always explained to me anyway) Rappie Pie (we always pronounced it “ROPPIE” but I Googled it to be sure.) - Texture and color of pavement and all the flavor of wet newspaper dipped in cat litter. Hey if you enjoy it have at it! That’s what it was like for me.

But as far as “Family” Holiday memories. Mine are not negative. Especially when I was a kid in Germany, Krampus is one of my spirit animals. Just for me, as someone who was an American in Europe in the 1970’s, being able to experience a different cultures way of celebrating was amazing. Even got to go ‘Wassailing’.

Those are the good memories. And in the lesser category to be honest.

Most of my personal adult life, has been spent Holidays alone. And with extended family now nearby. This time of year is an awkward one. I honestly do not feel comfortable around ‘Families’ anymore. Not even my own. Sure there was the 11 years my daughter was with me. But half of those she also spent with her mother’s family after we split up. But before and after that as well I tended to be single for one reason or another. So for whatever reason I did not spend most of my Holidays around other people.

And it is true I tend to be a bit of a loner too. Before the accident I was plagued by shyness that I hid with bravado. After the accident and my TBI and PTSD, I have the ironic one now of - I just can’t stop talking or I get a huge panic attack. Seriously.

The point of all this rambling is because I also realized that despite my discomfort being around tight knit families, I found ways to get through it. And even when I was not the best of human beings, I still tried to make others Holidays not so bleak. And yes though it may have taken me passing the age of 50 to admit it. But I was as lonely at this time, as my friends who had nowhere to go either. By choice or not.

By the early 1990’s my invites to family events ended. They have their reasons, I have my theories. Neither matter to this, save to say. We are not close. My siblings were a decade plus older than I am. So by the time I was 7 I was an only child. Not nitpicking just data.

I remember one rather inebriated Thanksgiving or Christmas in the early 1990’s - honestly I do not remember which one it was. But it was with my friends from the Tattoo shop I got work from and had gone to the 50th Daytona Bike Week with. Crazy Ace, Chuck Check, Rusty Needles, Dave Rhodes and I think one or 2 others from the shop. We all met up at Chuck’s place.

I should note here Chuck and I knew each other from Houston Texas. We met in 1988 give or take at Backstage. He later had been shot by a guy harassing his ex girlfriend and was shot through the spin. So now he was in a wheelchair.

I moved away from Houston back to Richmond Virginia, about 8 months after I had been back, I ran into Chuck at a club that used to be near VCU called “The Jade Elephant” and after a couple of double takes and mean mugs we realized who the other was and became friends.

So we all pulled into Chuck’s apartment, I had volunteered to cook a turkey and all the trimmings. Well volunteered is probably loosely used here. I was offered the usual deal of You Fly I’ll Buy - but with better options. I do the cooking, he provides all the party supplies.

This was the 90’s and during my ‘I won’t live to 30’ phase. And Beer - Check. Weed - Check. LSD - Very Check.

So yeah, not the smartest idea of prepping for the party taking several hits of acid. But that is what I did. And yes for some reason most of this night I remember.

Chuck and I get back and drop acid when we get back from the store with the booze. I prep the food waiting for things to kick in. My date arrived with Chuck’s. And the rest of the guys started showing up. And the drugs flowed and so did the booze.

I cooked and somehow held it together to make a decent bird. And accidentally learned a trick I use to this day. And NO IT’S NOT LSD! (That was a time of my life I don’t regret, but haven’t revisited in this century. And by no means encourage.) But slow cooking it.

The grandest irony of the night was somehow ending up with Chuck’s date - and him with mine. A story for another time.

But that started my Tradition of a “Misfits Christmas” - Yes my sarcastic self started a Tradition of inviting anyone I knew who had nowhere to go, a BYOB - Free Food - Non Traditional Traditional Dinner. Sort of my way of not truly being lonely too.

Sure they were a bit more Bacchanalian than Christian if you will, but what kind of get together do you get when you mix Metalheads, Punks, Tattoo Artists, Bikers, Musicians and Artists as well as other misfits. Some of the best ended in drunken Guitar Hero Battles with a room full of people trash talking each other.

In our own personal aloneness together. I loved this.

And also why now I feel very out of place when I go to my in laws now. The Mandatory Family Holiday. I do not miss the madness or the hangovers for sure. But I do not feel like I belong there. Normal. Happy. People.

Ugh.

Fake it til ya make it right?

I do miss my friends from those days. A lot of them are no longer with us. Several I have lost touch or friendship with as well. The rest have families of their own now, or are so drastically different now that we just do not speak. A shame true. But life does this to all of us, so we all have our fond memories as time goes on.

But ultimately I guess if there is a moral here. Family is what you make it. Not blood, nor friendship.

But even more important, at least I’d like to think, is that those times where I was able to do for others what I could not do for myself. We all continued on a bit longer.

Community.

That right there is where I am heading into the new year. Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, Merry Kwanza, Festive Yule or even BAH HUMBUG! I tend to the latter.

Have a great holiday all, I will be back in a little while.