Feeling like a Fish too long out of water ….

24 hours ago I started updating the YouTube page, with some things I did for laughs over the last 2 years. And boy did I not expect what would happen. Now for some 1000 views isn’t even worth noting. But using what I learned when I hosted The Vault of Metal this is a great showing. Seems being a decent human needs to come with a bit of salt.

Now before anyone pops a blood vessel, I am not BY - ANY - MEANS - implying that I am that much of one either. But it is a goal to at least try, most days. I am sadly human after all. But I have always been salty, and heavily darkly sarcastic. And the analytics are interesting watching them jump by large numbers in the time it takes to add another video.

It was nice to see honestly, and then …. it …. happened!

MY FIRST GEN Z hate reply …. OH it was so nice.

Not really hate, just obvious they did not listen to the rant. Nor did they understand sarcasm. 3rd world problems and sucks to be me basically! Once I was able to breathe again from laughing hysterically, this literally was a 1 minute short I made 2 years ago. Around the time I met Olli the German YouTuber who interviewed me. I was just putting up some things to link to the website. Not even the content I plan to upload. But the whole 50+ year old man who just wanted to yell at kids on his lawn, character. Hit a nerve.

A tiny one sure, but out the gate and the like to dislike was 94% in my favor. Message heard. Nerves to occasionally hit.

Most of those will probably be here and on more “free” domains.

But that being said, I’ve always done “characters” or over blown extensions of my own personality to amuse myself for years. Going all the way back to my youth which blossomed around 1986/87 with my friend I met through my BBS “The Realm of Shadows” that I ran when I lived in Va. Craig was Adopted and Jewish by the same according to him. Very non believer esqe.

We did things that would get us followed at malls, like him calling himself “Chris” and calling me “Louis” and speaking as if the Jesus and the Devil were having conversations in Mall food courts. Now just the two of us walking through said mall would have done it. Craig the poster boy for 1986 Nerd, not in a bad way. Honest way. Glasses, bowl hair cut, paper thin mustache that never grew, preppy shirts and khaki pants, pocket protector and also a computer geek. Working in early Tech support field.

Me on the other hand, also would have fit the description as well. This being the highest peak of the “SATANIC PANIC” of the 80’s and IN VIRGINIA. Home of Mothers Against Dungeons and Dragons aka MADD. I was your typical 1980’s Metalhead teenager, Denim Vest and Leather - Chains and Spikes - Rings on as many fingers that would fit. What ever Black metal or Thrash Metal shirt of the day and Denim or Combat pants with boots. You know. Normal clothes.

But our best time of torment, was when we went after a guy we did not particularly like. Named Earnie. And looked a lot like the character from that children’s puppet show on PBS when we were kids. However “our” Earnie, the similarities ended there.

Now Earnie had a hobby of being a CB Hobbiest. Nothing wrong with that, but he was mobile with it and had several friends of similar ilk who were not much better than him.

He had a issue with water and soap, an overblown sense of self [His CB Handle was “Loverboy”], lived on a Pet Cemetery and was not the nicest of people. On top of that he had a very nasal whiny sounding voice that was hard to listen to long. And we decided to have a bit of fun on his behalf. Weeks prior to this Craig and I had outfitted my car with a CB and a signal scattering device - I am not sure what it was as it belonged to Craig. And we began to troll Earnie and his CB Buddies as “THE SHOGUN”.

We would drive around Henrico using the CB and boosting the signal so it was hard to track, and I would break in on the mic in a half bad german, mostly bad generic film bad guy voice. And harass Earnie and his friends. Mercilessly. To the point where we could not sit in one place for long. As they formed up into a redneck rebel flag flying, Shogun hunting Brigade. They would hang out on their CB Radios in their trucks at night. Drinking Beer.

WAITING FOR THE SHOGUN.

As soon as we hit the mic and taunted, they went on the hunt. Trying to find our signal. They never did catch us. And because Craig never admitted his part, we also had Earnie telling him daily of the trials of The Shogun. Earnie and Craig’s mothers were friends and Craig had known Earnie most of his life.

I should also mention this is not the best showing of my teen years. I was a very angry teen, anarchistic, and fancied myself a bit of a hacker. So I wasn’t always a nice guy by a long shot. This also was while I was still at home and well … I was a different mindset back then.

Earnie had gotten a job at Toys R’us and Craig and I went by. We literally wanted to see if now that he was working, if he had bathed. We got 10 feet away and eyes were already starting to burn. Raw Onions and mold plus sweat. And we just walked away before he saw us.

We go to Craig’s place and I use my voice for Evil for the first time. I call Toys R’us and put on a feminine voice and acted like an upset mother, and complained he had been using foul language in front of my small child. And demanded he come to the phone to apologize. Of course they immediately complied.

I wait as straight faced as I could, and heard him pick up the phone.

“Oh Hello? This is Earnie I was told I said something in front of your daughter?”

“HELLO EEEEEARNIE ZIS IS DE SHOGUN, YOU WILL NEVER BE SAFE FROM ME!”

The next line of profanity to explode from my phone nearly killed me. From trying not to laugh before he hung up. Not 5 minutes later Craig’s pager went off. And it was Earnie. So he called back.

They fired him. Craig did his best to sound concerned. We then hung up and laughed ourselves hoarse.

What has that got to do with how this post started?

Simple, if you’ve wandered here offended. That was me almost 40 years ago before I had practice.

And to see a couple of salty comments over saying “GO BACK TO WORK” - well just toss sprinkles on my sundae. I had forgotten how much I missed this. Yes I am insane. I missed people taking time out of their day to tell me just how much they do not like me.

Guess that lawn I was talking about got a bit bigger.