Soon comes the Fall ….
September rolls in and I tend to look forward to this time of year. Fall hits and the weather cools, and by my old schedule - work begins full steam. September was when I would go back to the show after 3 months off. Mostly as I had a daughter and I wanted time to get other things done. And to be around if she needed me. The latter always was interfered with, but I tried.
In 2022 however, it is a different story. Still looking forward, but no longer a parent full time or working The Vault of Metal’s schedule I had. Work yes, everything else not so much. The stream for Star Citizen is about a week and a half away from doing a full couple of hours on Twitch or Youtube. Radio guy video streaming, guess it’s time to put up or shut up.
The reason for the delay, an old friend comes to visit the steel city from the West Coast and Seattle. a week at least if my memory serves. Then again they say that’s the first to go when you’re ancient. So many plans so many years not left to me. No not a dark boo hoo there. Just less in front than behind. And now is the time to do it, there is nothing to hit a reset button.
But the seasons are changing, and the fall will be a lot of my B Roll time. The heat goes down, and my pain in my back and neck goes down with it. Never liked the heat, maybe it’s the Canadian side of my heritage. Or the years of accrued insulation I gained and now trying to lose.
The current situation of testing is also helping me set up the studio and work on my first “Official” edited video with narration. I am not a fan of my Microphone audio still, but for streams it is ok for now. And the plan if all goes well is to generate enough of a following to make my Star Citizen content at least - a door opener for video editing of larger non game related projects. And that is a major part of all this.
For those who are wondering if this is all hot air, and so many others do it with worse gear and such. I am a perfectionist when it comes to my “art”, and like most I have quirks. And my quirk is I think I am hideous and disgusting to look at! Seriously, I have always hated having my picture taken. After my TBI [Traumatic Brain Injury] I get stupidly self conscious. One of the 2 reviews on video I did years ago, that I do leave up to watch and mock myself over. Took over 815 attempts to get right in 1 take because I did not want a jump cut.
Radio Guy - I am used to being live.
Podcast will be live. Streaming is Live. Pre Recordings are the hard part. Because I watch them and delete and start over and over. I tend to need someone to “bounce” off of to stay in the right character mode. Being the “Madman on the Mic” as I called myself, it is hard to be that “Up” without an audience. And learning to think of a pre record as in front of an audience is not as easy as I want to admit. Improv if you will, is not easy to an empty room.
I toss ideas vaguely out there to see if someone says “I like that”. Validation of concept not practice. Over the years I held on to some of them. Saying if I tell anyone it will be stolen from me. And in silence I watched others do and succeed at those ideas. And I have got to get over it, the it has to be perfect thing. And just make content.
Those born after 2000 are living in the on camera generation, us old goats not so much. Duck lips for me are if my dentures are on too tight, and selfies are just to make sure people don’t think I’m dead again. [ Yes this is a thing, I disappeared for several months and when I reappeared people used the “I thought you were dead” line. ] And for someone putting a blog of thoughts out - I keep my real life private.
Writing a blog even, is not as easy as I would like. I am not a writer. I have no illusions about that, I just try to do my best to put thoughts to page. Sort of like Papa Spyk did with his book “A Naughty Thing Called Life” - if you can still find it, read it. Worth it every page. He is on my mind as a few weeks ago marked the 6th year of his passing. Still have the book in pdf he sent for me to do the audio of. But the point is ideas and concepts.
I have 1000 ideas a minute some days, and remember a tiny fraction of them. I do not always have a topic to post or try to write down to make a video about. I’d just rather go live and let chips fall where they may, but that is chaos when you are the only one trying to stick to a plan. Trust me this I know well - the Veronica Freeman solo album release show is a perfect example. 8 hours long - 12 guests - 8 of them at the same time cascading into a cacophony of voices talking over the other. And even at one point my literally saying on air “I have officially lost control of the show folks!” - good times sure with friends. But BAD radio for the listener.
And that there is the crux of the issue for me too. The audience. I KNOW that I will not make something everyone will like. That’s fine, that I get after doing Heavy Metal Radio - that bastion of popular music and all. Niche. And games and podcasts are the same. But way more popular now, and the bar is very high. And it’s not an old man’s game. Sure there are lots out there doing things in my age group too. But I lost half a decade of technology when I was homeless and it might as well be a decade. I am behind the market and rushing to catch up.
Money is another, investing in a studio is almost worse than rebuilding a car perhaps. At least if you rebuild a car and times get tough - people buy cars. Studio equipment is not a great investment in your future. [Neither are games sure - but to those who still go out to bars and such. Games at least are there in the morning.] But at least a game doesn’t have a release schedule or time constraints. But studio will cause them, and sometimes my health prevents me from working. Plain and simple.
No excuses, I am prepping for another day of working on the house and moving forward toward the goal. Just had words in my brain I wanted to put out there. Not stopping my plan - just diverting it for a while.
